Month One, Day Nine

We’d been together about four months, and things were looking as though they might be getting serious between us, when I raised the issue of babies. We’d gone for our first ever weekend away - a lovely old farmhouse in the Cotswolds – and were talking hopefully about Our Future Together.

‘We’ll buy a house.’

‘We’ll go on hundreds of holidays.’

‘Where?’

‘Iceland, Romania, South Africa, Vietnam. . .’

‘Antarctica.’

‘But you know children will get in the way eventually.’

He frowned. ‘Of the holidays?’

‘Of us.’

I waited for him to agree, and then for a discussion to ensue, during which I would say I want children, he'd said he doesn't want children, we'd try and compromise ('Maybe we could have half a child.'), we'd realise we can't compromise, and then agree to go our separate ways.

Instead, he said, ‘Let’s keep talking about it, then. I know children are important to you.’

‘I’ve never told you how important.’

‘I think I know.’

And that was that. Children became part of our plan.

But I remained slightly haunted by the fact that one of the first statements I’d ever heard pass his lips was that he didn’t want them. So I was always cautious, never quite sure when to say,
‘The time has come. I want to have a baby.’

Wait til he’s relaxed, a friend advised.

So this evening, eighteen months after that first conversation, and on the first full day of our holiday, I summoned all my courage and went for it.

He was lying in the giant bath in the giant bathroom of our holiday cottage. Radox anti-stress bubbles came up to his neck (anti-stress bubbles on holiday? I must be very hard to live with).

I sat in the wicker chair beside him, and dangled my legs over the side of the bath.

‘That water’s very hot,’ I said.

He sighed blissfully. ‘It’s how I like it.’

I kept my voice casual. ‘Did you know hot water kills sperm?’

‘Are we trying for a baby?’

‘No, no, no,’ I said hurriedly. ‘Of course not.’ I paused, ‘Well, I’d quite like to. But only if you want to.’

‘Ok.’

I started smiling uncontrollably. Then I said, ‘So, could you add some cold water to that bath, do you think?’

He didn’t.

We had our first ever proper argument.