Thursday 30 April 2009

Month One, Day Twenty-Six

I can't remember the exact figure, but I believe men are supposed to think about sex for approximately 9.5 of every 10 seconds. (NB. When I 'supposed' I don't mean 'supposed-as-in-obliged'. I mean, 'supposed-as-in-inevitably-they-do-this.')

In a similar, though possibly less erotic fashion, I now spend 9.5 of every ten seconds thinking about sperm. My days consist of being preoccupied with answers to the following mathematical problems:

- If the average sperm lives for a maximum of 6 days, but usually up to three days, and more commonly, just one or two days, how many days does it take for 250,000,000 sperm to die?

- If my egg is fertilised by an average sperm, will I have an average baby?

- If you took a random sample of 250,000,000 people, you could reasonably expect one - just one - of them to be a superhuman and massively talented and stong. On the same basis, I would expect at least one sperm to be a super-sperm. If there is one super-sperm in the pack that just so happens to live for 7 years, could the father of my baby actually be my ex?

And so on.

Really, the question I am asking is: Am I pregnant?

I can find out tomorrow.

3 comments:

  1. Lots of people have said to me that they've tried to comment on various posts, but haven't been able to do it.

    I have fixed this technical glitch. Comment away.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If it was a super-sperm it would have fertilised you 7 years ago.

    Chill. Give those spermies a break. And tell us what your result is.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Sarah

    I swear my body knew very early on. Good luck with the test tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete